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Kiriban: 150,000 pageviews (Only the first person to send me a screenshot of that EXACT pageview will get a request drawing from me, up to three characters. Only that exact number counts, not one or two pageviews more or less. Also, if more than one person catches the kiriban, the first one to send me a note will get the request drawing.)Birthday - Reflecting
My birthday gift to my watchers: :thumb168827251:
I got a wonderful gift from
and also one from
. Thank you!
Oh, and I started a donation campaign for a new subscription. ^^ Every single point will be welcome!
So, I turned 23 today. Gosh, I sure don't feel like 23. Nor do I look like it. Or act that way. XD
When I look back, I remember that when I was 18 I had totally different plans for what I wanted to be doing and where I wanted to be when I am 23. Seeing that, it makes me realize just how impulsive I am. Depending on my emotions, sometimes I do what feels right in that very moment, not thinking about long-term consequences. I throw away everything I had been working for just because it suddenly stopped feeling right.
My Politics and German teacher keeps saying that this is wonderful in a way, as it destroys the scheme according to which we all are forced to live, in which everything is planned and in which there is a moment for everything, but he also concluded that I am completely insane. I think he's right. I often wonder what kind of psychological problems one would diagnose if I went to see a psychologist again, lol.
Then again, I don't think I want to know. Chronic depression is enough.
In the last year, I discovered that I believe in angels. I discovered that there is some part of me or even some higher force trying to make a statement by sending me really weird dreams. I learned about an archangel I didn't know existed. Hanael. Hm. I said that name so many times in my dreams in the past weeks.
The past year also brought some new friends. And it has proven me that I can be the best student in the whole school even if I go to school in a country where they speak a language which is not my mother tongue. It also made me realized that I am probably wasting all my talent here, but oh well.
The past few months made me appreciate my right arm/hand more. Mostly because I have been unable to use it properly. They have also taught me to live with constant pain.
I learned that sometimes we don't know people as well as we think we do. I learned that men are vulnerable too and that they also tend to be silly when they are afraid of losing the ones they love. I also learned that some of them are just as confused about their emotions as we girls sometimes are.
I learned that I hate the life, but also don't want to give it away. I learned that I am unable to be truly happy. And this... this made me laugh.
The past year was emotionally very difficult for me. But it is over now. I wonder what the next one will bring. I don't like the number 23, not as much as 22. But maybe that is a good omen.
Clubs and Groups
is trying to organise some penpals from various countries! So if you'd like to exchange letters with someone, or simply want more info, do check out her journal: ladyusagi.deviantart.com/journ…
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